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Ditching Classes, Kicking Bullies in the Nuts, Making out with Hot Chicks… It’s What School’s all About.
I’d like to point out something regarding the subject of today’s class. As some of you may know, since even before its retail release Bully has received attention from the media and various political circles; it seems that this sort of attention is probably now a part of the Rockstar mission statement, so often do they get blamed for corrupting society’s morals. Believe it or not, the sale of Bully has been banned in certain parts of this stupid planet we live on. I forget which dumb fucks - who think they have the omniscient power to know what’s best for all of us - actually took the effort to have Bully pulled from store shelves but I don’t really care who they are. I try not to pollute my brain with meaningless garbage such as the names of the pussified cock-suckers who think the whole of society needs to be protected from violence, sex, and foul language. Heaven forbid that we as human beings actually try to make decisions for ourselves, especially such earth shattering, monumentally important decisions like, “what video game am I going to play?” Let them show me some solid, independent scientific research for their reason behind banning the game. But will I ever see any? No, because it doesn’t exist. God damn fuck heads, I really hate stupid people.
Stupidity aside I’d like to get back to talking about the actual game. Let it be known that Bully’s a bad ass game that you need to go out and play if you’re down with free-roaming genre. Allow me to compose a list of why you should play it:
The Following is a Five-point Essay on why Bully makes for an Enjoyable Video Game… Take fucking notes!
1) Excellent voice acting from a cast that doesn’t sound like they’re fucking their eyeballs with the game’s script.
2) A great script that infuses each character with a unique personality, making the story fun to play through. I’ve played games where the story smelled like someone wiped their dog’s ass with it; Bully is *not* one of those games.
3) A funny and entertaining story that’s got everything: friendship, rivalries, love, heartbreak, revenge, and high school girls’ panties.
4) The main character, Jimmy Hopkins, is fucking awesome! He’s not some god-damn pussy you’ll find in other games. He may only be fifteen but he’s got more balls then 90% of the video game protagonists out there. I bet he’d kick Solid Snake’s ass if it came down to it; and I don’t mean the old, smoking, geriatric Solid Snake awaiting us on the PS3 either.
5) The list just keeps on going. You’ve got missions that have tons of variation to them; you’ve got a music score that is fucking top notch composed of completely original instrumental tracks. You’ve got graphics that are better then any other Rockstar game to date and you’ve got play control that’s takes all the good aspects of every Rockstar game since GTA3 and tosses out all the shit, swirls all the good stuff together in a vat of chocolately goodness and then tops it off with a virgin’s cherry.
A School Worth Attending.
I do suppose I should give a little bit of background about the game for those of you out there who haven’t bothered to read up on Bully elsewhere. Our hero is one Jimmy Hopkins, previously expelled from seven different schools and now finds himself enrolled at Bullworth Academy. It’s a co-ed private school, and we all know what that means; plenty of potential for pleated skirt poon-tang… however Bully’s rated “T for Teen,” so you’re not going to see any pink tacos in this game folks.
Everyone knows that schools suck; however Jimmy makes the best of his situation by making a couple friends after his arrival at the school thus getting caught up in a plan to take over the school. Now, I need to spell out that Jimmy is not the “bully” that the game refers to. Rather Jimmy is the friend every kid who’s ever been bullied wishes they had; his mission is to unite the gangs of the school under his rule thereby ending the bullying of innocents; and if he has to beat the shit out of a few dozen other students in the process, so be it. We’re talking about a kid who’s living the old-fashioned American dream… vigilantism. |
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